I am a former smoker, what should I do went I am with my friends who still smoke?

​Just something to think about when you are with friends who still smoke----None of us want to be that nasty holy-than-thou former smoker who shames their smoking friends but do you 

1. want to be around secondhand smoke? 

2. Enable your friend in their addiction?

1. Secondhand smoke is a carcinogen. Instead of saying to a friend--"you can't smoke around me." Say- "I (have a medical problem,

The #1 secret to quitting smoking

I'm asked all the time what is the one thing I would say to smokers who want to quit. The answer I want to say is to tell me more about the smoker and I will tell you what that smoker wants to hear but everybody is different. Every smoker is connected to their cigarettes in different ways and it will take different methods to become successful.

However, what every successful smoker has in common

The Biggest Mistake When Motivating Smokers to Quit

A friend and I were at the park when a young man approached us and said: "Can I bum a smoke?"

My response was, "Boy, did you ask the wrong person. I help smokers trying to quit. Do you know why someone your age shouldn't smoke?"

"Yeah, I know..... cancer.", he said defiantly.

"No that's not why. Smoking is the major cause of impotency. Do you want to be able to have sex for the rest of your

Effectively motivating smokers: Are you making these 3 mistakes when talking to smokers about quitting?

Mistake #1: Comparing quitting smoking to changing any other habit.
I remember one of the first cessation trainings I ever went to and the facilatator said that if you had never smoked to compare it to something that you had struggled with such as losing weight or starting an exercise program. As a former smoker I knew that just wasn't true. Quitting smoking is not like anything else, not even

Building Hope

A large woman walked into my presentation in Hawaii. Both legs were bandaged due to circulatory problems from her diabetes. A two + pack a day smoker, she admitted she had never gone an hour without a smoke break. Her doctor had given up on her ever quitting and allowed her to leave in the middle of her medical appointments to go grab a smoke. She stayed and listened to the entire hour plus

Beware the Saboteur

Often a smokers best meaning friends and family are their worst enemy when trying to quit. Smokers need support and encouragement, but our supporters often are saboteurs instead. On Franks first day, his wife asked how he did that day. Frank, a two pack a day smoker, admitted that he smoked two cigarettes. Instead of congratulating him on not smoking of the other thirty eight, she focused on his

Staying Quit Forever and Preventing Relapse

I always ask the participants in my stop smoking workshops, "What is the longest time you have been off cigarettes?" Their answer tells me quite a bit about how to help them be successful with their latest quit attempt. Here is what some of their answers mean:"I've never quit for more than a few days." This smoker is probably heavily addicted to nicotine and relapses because of the withdrawal

Why Can Some Smokers Just Quit?

Some ex-smokers will say that one day they just decided to quit and they did, walked away from their cigarettes and never had another puff. It's like a light switch being turned on, going from not wanting to quit smoking to becoming a former smoker. For some smokers when that light switch turns on, they are more likely to stay quit than if they decide to delay quitting by making a plan, they do

How to Talk to Smokers So They Will Listen To You

Think about when you bought your last car. Did the salesman sell you a car that you really didn't want? Or did you buy a car that you wanted and the salesman provided information and helped facilitate your buying decision? Who was in control? Salesman are taught how to overcome objections to the sale. Did your car salesman manipulate you into buying the car by overcoming all objections or did the

Stop Blaming Smokers

Many people want to point a finger at smokers, "Don't you know that it's bad for your health?" they ask.These self righteous individuals are making smoking a moral or ethical issue instead of what it is--a health issue, pure and simple. Smokers are not bad people because they smoke. 90% started as a teenager before they were legally able to buy cigarettes and before their brains were fully

Getting the Right Kind of Support When Quitting Smoking

You've quit smoking for a couple of days and it's been a struggle but so far you've been able to resist temptation. A well meaning friend asks how you are doing? You explain your struggles and instead of getting encouragement that while it is hard that you can do it, the comments you get --feel like judgement, blaming and shaming. Friends who have never smoked just don't get it and former smokers

The 5 "R's" to Helping Motivate A Smoker to Quit

If you have a smoker in your life that you have been trying to get them to quit by nagging, blaming and shaming, BUTT OUT. Those tactics don't work, if they did, no one would be smoking since every smoker has at least one person nagging them. Instead, listen to the smoker and keep these 5 "R's" in mind. This list was originally a remind for healthcare workers when talking to their patients, so

Helping a Closet smoker to Quit Smoking

Whenever Steve took the trash out, his wife would comment that he smelled like smoke. Steve always said the smell was from a neighbor that smoked that he ran into outside.Gail was in sales and before going into a client’s office, she would spray, spritz, wash and cover up any sign or smell that she smoked.After Richard's heart surgery, his wife found a pack of cigarettes in his bathrobe. She

Giving Bad Advice to Others When Quitting Smoking

I read a lot of blogs and websites that are written by former smokers that give advice on how they quit smoking. I encourage every smoker to find a way that works for them but often these reformed smokers are giving bad advice that will cause another smoker to fail or relapse, which just increases the sense of shame that a smoker has that there is something wrong with them that they can't quit,

Shame and Guilt when Quitting Smoking

It takes most smokers several quit attempts before they are finally successful at becoming smoke free. The first time, quitters usually get cocky and can't believe how easy it was to quit and they believe that they can smoke when they want, they think they can control their smoking but the changes in the structures of the brain are so strong that a momentary slip can lead to a full relapse. Often

Quitting Smoking is Not a One Time Event

Every smoker has heard from friends and family, "I don't know why you just don't put that cigarette down and walk away?" What these well meaning people believe is that quitting is a one time event but it's not, it's a process that a smoker moves through. It's like going on a diet. If a person needed to lose 50 pounds, no one would say, "I don't know why you just don't drop those 50 pounds right